Silencio
by Alexiamorana
Summary: Sirius continues to try to get a hesitant Severus to be with him. And when he does, their feelings will be up for a heavy task. Sequel to Silence. SSSB, M for language and smut
1. The Common Room

heyhey everybody. so I got enough comments on Silence to push me to write a sequel (or whatever this is going to be). I'm easily swayed... You don't really need to have read Silence to get this, I mean, it's basic: Severus/Sirius full of angst and confusion and foul language with some sprinkles of fucking every now and then. But I'd love it if you did read it!! It's my personal fav ;

Enjoy!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Severus shuffled to the back of the library, bag hanging over one shoulder, gripping his text tight to his chest. He ignored the stares and grimaces that passed his way as he walked, and came to his corner of the library. It was dark, quiet, hidden behind the bookshelves and tables. He was out of sight of everyone and slipped the bag to the floor, buckles lightly clanging against the stone. He leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor, outstretching his legs and placed his books on his knees before crossing his arms and staring at the bookshelf before him. _Mages Vol. 3.5, Maging and You Vol. 1, Magingness and Me Vol. 4.7._

"Who writes this shit?" he muttered to himself. Squeezing his eyes shut, he ran his hands through his hair and over his face before sighing and pulling a scroll from his bag. He glanced at it a moment in his hand before placing it beside him and pulled out another scroll, unrolling it atop the bag to reveal an essay he was quite proud of. He pushed that aside, digging through his bag with one hand blindly, finally finding a quill and ink. Pushing everything to one side, he pulled his books up to his thighs and unrolled the original parchment.

He sighed, infuriated, as he skimmed the roll.

_Severus, I should apologize for that horrible prank the guys pulled on you._

Blah blah blah…..

_I admit I tried stopping them, you should believe me. They haven't been the most accepting since they found out._

He grimaced. And so on it went for the next few sentences.

Severus had given up thinking on the situation a few weeks back when he accepted Sirius again. Something in that boy's voice told him to stop and that things really would be okay from now on. What a foolish thought that was. It wasn't like just because he and Sirius were shagging that he gained immunity from their jeers. Sirius had to play along to make it look like his feelings had subsided for the Slytherin. And so on and so on… Then Sirius would find him in the evenings studying in a corner of the castle and assure him that he didn't mean any of it, that he had to do what they did because hell, he was practically the leader. The more difficult thing was rejecting the girls who flocked to him after dinner every night. He had to skip out and run off, making "studying" excuses, or that he was tired, or that he needed tutoring. The Marauders never asked, they just let Sirius go as he pleased. Sirius always told Severus that they didn't suspect anything but Severus thought differently. He pleaded Sirius once to stop it all and let him be so they wouldn't be found out or rediscovered.

He loosened his tie, pulling out the knot and stroked the quill with his thumb before dipping it in the ink and replying.

_Stop dropping notes in my bag. It'll be suspicious._

_As always you're forgiven._

_Stop being a jackass._

_Severus_

Short, sweet, and to the point. He'll leave this in their potted pot later which Sirius will then find, read, and hopefully not reply.

Rolling it back up and replacing the contents of his bag, he headed for rest.

-----

_Hey_. _Snivellus. Yo, wake the fuck up._

He felt a sharp jab in his side and grumbled, flipping over on the Slytherin common room sofa. He opened his eyes and scowled when he saw Black kneeling on the floor before him.

"How the hell did you get in here, Black?"

"You told me the password, remember?"

_Shit shit shit… Why did he tell him again? Ugh… the promise of a blowjob was it?_

Groggily he pushed himself up and swung his legs forward. Sirius gripped his knees and cocked his head, smiling up at him.

"What?"

"It's your birthday. I got you something." He slid back and up to sit on the cocktail table before Severus, rifling through his pockets to pull out a small box and handed it to him who took it warily.

He eyed Sirius a moment, now completely stoic save for a small smirk across his lips. Then he opened the box, tossing the lid aside and peered down into his palms. The little box contained a powder not readily available to students because of its qualities and potency.

"Stolen?"

"Your point is?" He smiled, watching Severus drop his face an inch or so to smell the contents.

He replaced the lid, setting it aside and stood, staring down at Sirius.

"So? You going to thank me?" Sirius smiled cockily and stood, brushing a finger across Severus' jawline.

He stepped aside so as to not be caught between the Gryffindor and the sofa and glanced back sideways, pushing the hair out of his eyes to see him fully.

A hand stuffed into his pocket, Sirius swayed slightly back and forth watching Severus watch him. He loved it when the stared at him like that for some reason. Completely unemotional but nonthreatening. It usually meant something good was going to come.

But not today…

"I'd rather not, Black," he muttered, scratching an invisible itch on his cheek with one finger. "Besides, why should I?"

"Who ever said you'd be doing anything?!" He took a step forward, hooking his thumbs in his belt loops and bent forward slightly towards Severus. "It's your birthday."

"How did you know?"

"I asked Dumbledore."

"What?!" He felt like punching the bastard. It was bad enough the Headmaster had caught them in his office those few weeks back, but to bring it up again? "You could have asked me," he seethed.

"I suppose," he replied. In one swift movement, Sirius pounced forward, gripping Severus' waist and pulled him in tight for a deep hungry kiss.

He tried protesting, snaking his arms up Sirius' chest to push him back, but to no avail. Sirius only kissed him harder, pushing the anger out of his mind, subduing him gradually. Severus allowed him to pry his mouth open with his tongue, relaxing into his kiss and tight hold, eventually responding and trailing his hands to his belt. Sirius pulled back for air, looking at the blushing Slytherin with half-lidded eyes.

"I didn't think you wanted to," he whispered.

Severus immediately broke away, taking a step back. "Get out of here, Black. I don't need the whole house hearing you here."

"Well a spell _would_ work, you know…"

"No! Get _out_," he seethed.

Sirius could only shrug slightly and walk past Severus, rustling his hair on the way. He'd shag him again soon enough even if he resisted…


	2. The Roof

mm so I kinda want another title, but whatever. enjoy!

---------------------------------------------------------

That following morning at breakfast, Severus swirled his spoon in his cereal, deep in thoughts of school work, dark magic, and Sirius. That damn Sirius Black. How many times had they shagged now? 10? 12? Around there. Whenever he tried to resist Sirius' advances, he had to give in. He had to because he liked it, he enjoyed it, and dammit, sometimes he even _loved_ it. He fancied Sirius greatly already, despite the horrors in their past at Hogwarts. When he wasn't around his bloody Marauder friends, he was … enjoyable, kind, always smiles. He liked to joke and ruffle Severus' hair and touch him lightly while passing in the hallways. That always made Severus' heart jump. Even though he was always afraid someone would see. Students could be much more perceptive than Sirius thought. Though perhaps he was just being paranoid. He liked their secret and being the top student in the school, he enjoyed it even more because sometimes Sirius would beg him for help and not expect anything in return.

He was snapped from his daydreams by the rustling of students going off to their first classes of the day. He gathered his things and took to his Advanced Potions, where he would be naturally bored and take to writing his own curses…

-----

He didn't see Sirius until that night, having purposefully avoided him during the day. He went outside to the chill air, snow falling lightly to coat the grounds. He ignored his gang of Slytherins, taking a side passage through the castle and up flights of stairs to meet Black on the roof.

"You're late."

Sirius was standing just to his side, leaning against the stone, arms crossed, glaring at him softly.

"I didn't think I was. I had to study."

"No matter." He pushed off and walked forward a few yards to the other side and sat on the edge, gripping the stones beneath him, and stared at Severus.

He dropped his bag against the door and went to stand before Black.

"I should apologize for a couple years ago, Sev. I never did," he sighed. His eyes reflected the starlight nicely, Severus thought.

"I forgave you. I don't care," he hissed to the air. He gazed off past Sirius to the Forest but turned back when Sirius took his hands, leaning forward into his chest.

He dropped his hands, instead embracing the other and ran a hand through his hair and another down his back, gripping him tightly. He pulled him down off the stone, ignoring his gaze as he brushed lips lightly against Sirius'.

Sirius immediately pushed away, holding him by the wrists, eyes wide.

"When was the last time you did that?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Don't remember."

"You never-"

"That's not true."

"Yes, it-"

Sirius was silenced with another kiss, light and soft, breaking away before he could even get into it.

"I think you still owe me a birthday gift?"

Sirius smiled, eyes half-lidded. He dug his nails into Severus' wrists, demanding, "First tell me where you were all day."

"Not with you, obviously."

"Why were you ignoring me?"

"I wasn't-"

"Don't lie to me!"

Severus broke away, taking a step back. Sirius reached out to grip his collar but his hand was knocked away.

"I like to think, Black. I didn't want to see you today." But why exactly? Why did he ignore Black? Ah, that's it. That annoying, incessant panging at his heart.

"Why?! Don't turn away from me!" He lurched forward, slamming Severus to the stones, pinning him deftly below himself.

He squirmed and tried kicking Black away but gave up when he felt something moist run down his cheek.

"Get the fuck off of me, Sirius Black!" He choked on his words, pressing his head back against the stone in an attempt to get away further while trying to ignore Sirius' gaze and gaping mouth.

He knew he shouldn't feel pity for the boy beneath him, but he couldn't help it. He had mistreated the Slytherin for six years or so, aggravated at needing him to make the potions for his friend, enjoying the taunting and humiliation… Then only a few weeks ago, he had cracked and he saw what was really inside the boy.

He knelt up, hands on Severus' stomach, lips tight, watching him tear and scrape his hands against the stone.

"Tell me why you were ignoring me today, Severus," he said, calmer. He didn't want to scare him.

That pang was annoying, that incessant beat in his chest, he hated it, he fucking _hated_ it!

"Because I'm fucking in love with you, you bastard. Now get the hell off of me!"

Sirius dropped down, enveloping him in a tight hug, wrapping his legs with his, cheek pressed tightly against his neck despite the hands pulling at his hair and the grumbling deep in his throat. After a few moments, he reluctantly pulled back and stood up, looking down at him and offering his hand.

He ignored it and stood up by himself, brushing off his uniform. He wiped his eyes with the back of a hand and ignored those of his lover. A hand pulled his away from his face, lips unwarranted against his own.

"You don't have to do that, Black," he said.

"Hm? Why?"

He shook his head and let himself be kissed again, feeling everything that he was afraid of, love for another and love returned. He was deathly afraid of what he was getting into, perhaps it was because he had never felt love before so he feared what it would do to him. Sirius was able to do so many things for him, so many things that he didn't even realize. He helped Severus numerous times without ever consciously doing so. Just being beside him in the library was enough, though he wasn't about to complain about the sex or his kisses or embraces. It was just … sometimes it was uncomfortable, and sometimes he needed it so much he'd screw up a potion during class or wake up in the middle of the night, heart pounding and not being able to do anything about it.

"Sirius." Through his thoughts, their cloaks had been removed and he stood shivering in his hold. He hadn't even realized what was happening until he broke the kiss and looked at him the darkness. "Won't your bloody friends-"

"They don't say anything. I promise."

He nodded, trusting him fully for the first time.

Sirius slid his hands down his chest, plucking out the buttons one by one, removing the tie last to toss it with their cloaks. Kissing his neck, he trailed his lips down his chest, lightly flicking his tongue against each nipple in turn, down his stomach, coming to rest his head against his pelvis, arms wrapped around his thighs. He knelt back, arms dropping in his lap and looked up to Severus for orders.

Instead, he sat down beside him, shirt lightly flapping in the night winter breeze and took his hand. He pulled Sirius down beside him to gaze at the stars and light cloud cover. Sirius eventually curled up and fell asleep, leaving Severus to his thoughts and curses, wondering what would come next.

-----------------------------------------------------------

mm. fluff.


	3. The Classroom

Sirius collapsed against the hard stones of the Potions room, entwining his fingers through Severus' hair. His knees buckled as he was pressed harder to the wall, completely taken and seduced. This was a side he'd never seen before, this hungry horny Slytherin of his. Ok, not completely true, but still. He was enjoying it. He was shirtless, shoeless, pantsless, while Severus was still nearly completely dressed.

Hands slammed to either side of his head as teeth gnawed at his neck, sucking blood from his veins.

He was in a daze as all contact ended and Severus pulled back.

"Dumbledore is expecting me. We'll continue this tomorrow," he muttered, pulling his tie taught.

"What? No fucking way, mate. Tell him you're sick," he said, pulling at Severus' wrist.

He broke away. "No."

Without another word he left, slamming the door behind him.

Sirius sighed, rubbing his sore neck, trailing his fingers to his bruised lips, finally taking to gathering his things, thinking the while.

Normally he would have protested more and demanded for him to stay and finish what they had started. What was going on? Was he losing his touch? It looked like it. Damn that Snivellus. After last night, he was feeling cocky even though he knew that he really shouldn't. But he gotten the little bugger to fall for him and… well…dammit, he felt so bipolar. One moment he would want to fuck him, another he would be quite contented with just a hug. And what did he feel? His heart beat whenever he heard his name or whenever his friends were planning something to do next. Oh, that was a problem. They knew he was fucking Snape but tried to ignore it and continued with their jeers and plots and names and got confused whenever Sirius supported it. He really didn't care, though, what his friends believed. He liked being with him and that was that.

His penis still throbbed; you do _not_ leave a guy like this, Sirius thought. He was holding his clothing with one hand, the other trailing down his chest mindlessly.

Whenever he thought about him, he got a rise, and here it came again. Well soon, very soon, he _was_ going to have sex again. Sirius Black does not go for days without sex. Ever. So how many times had they shagged now? Three and then a really long hard time in the office… A few more within a couple weeks. Hmm. And how did he satisfy himself between those times? What every boy does, of course. But if Severus kept whatever game he was playing at up, Sirius might have to resort to more drastic measures.

-----

"Black," Severus called.

Sirius and his friends halted in the corridor that night, James and Remus eyeing each other suspiciously, Peter looking at Sirius and Sirius in turn at Severus.

"What's going in, Snivellus? Out to pull me to the headmaster's again?"

_Stop mentioning that, Black._

"Actually, it's the headmistress this time that wants to speak with you."

"Oooh, looks like I'm in trouble, mates," Sirius sighed back at his friends. Remus glared at Snape suspiciously, and unable to catch the other's gaze in return, he pulled James and Peter by the elbows and dragged them away.

Crossing his arms, Sirius smiled lecherously, muttering, "So what have you in store for me tonight?"

"Nothing if you keep acting like a twit." Turning on his heel he led Sirius to an empty classroom down a side corridor.

Sirius shut the door behind them as Severus lit a torch and decided to speak first: "What was that this morning?"

"What?"

"You! With the unfinished fucking!"

_Let's not talk about this, Black._

"Twice now you get me hopeful-"

"I didn't want to." Severus propped himself against a desk across from his gaping lover.

"Not want to? Why would you ever not want to?"

"I had to get to class…"

"You said that before. So be late for once-" He stopped speaking immediately when Severus gave him a death glare.

_Can't this boy be happy without sex for once? Probably not…_

"Ok, ok, I forgive you." _Maybe._ "Soooo what am I here for?"

"Nothing in particular. Just wanted some alone time with you before we went our separate ways for the evening and I return to the common room and you to your bloody Gryffindors."

"Oh," he shrugged. "Do I get anything special?"

"I'm not in the mood," he sighed. "My grades have been slipping because of you." He couldn't say he was angry but-

"Me? Who's the one who vents his sexual frustration in the mornings without finishing the job-"

"You distract me!" _You distract me because I can't stop thinking about you and I hate feeling like this because of you!_

"Well, then let's settle this." He stepped towards Severus, placing a hand beside him in the desk, and crossed his ankles to speak to him.

Severus peered at him from the corner of his eye. _What is this boy up to?_

"Either be distracted and let your grades slip a little… It's not like there's anyone with range of you anyway. Or let's stop this til the end of the year."

Snape shook his head. Stopping meant stopping forever because as soon as he graduated he was off to be a death eater and he couldn't let anyone get in his way then. But fuck! Why didn't he think of that sooner? It was true he'd be on top still, it's not like he had dropped that much to let Potter's girl ahead.

"We're not stopping anything," he said. He snatched Sirius' wrist, peering at him from behind his hair. He leaned forward slightly to take the boy in a kiss.

"Mm. Do I get my sex now?" Sirius muttered into his lips.

"Humph, I suppose."

"Lovely," Sirius purred. He collapsed into his lover's embrace, gripping him tightly against the desk. He teased a kiss, deftly removing his cloak and allowed Severus to undo his buttons slowly, never releasing his lips.

While Sirius seemed subdued and pleased in their growing foreplay, Severus was internally very very angry. He didn't want it to show too soon for fear of losing Black, but if he did not manage to control himself then things might get out of hand. Eyes closed, he felt his shirt drop to the floor and swallowed a moan as Sirius bit his neck. He couldn't get angry, he couldn't. _Angry sex would be nice though. No, no…_ But he didn't want to get soft for this Gryffindor, for this boy who had slept with all others, who had finally chosen _him_. Ah! No, mustn't let Sirius know that this would end in a final suicidal lovemaking.

He felt blood dripping down his chest, that sadist. His pants slipped to the floor but he kept his eyes shut, just feeling Sirius's lips against his flesh. Wasn't he the one who was supposed to be doing this to the other? Yet he let that filthy boy dominate him. He tightened his grip in Sirius' hair, letting his own fall from behind his ears and stick to his cheeks. The tight elastic loosened and was pulled away; he was throbbing. No, why was he letting Sirius be the one to love him like this? Why couldn't he take the initiative for once? He hated this, he hated this! Feeling so fucking angry for himself for ever getting himself like this in the first place and continuing and never saying no. For knowing that they would separate because he was the bad guy and Sirius was the good guy and light and dark couldn't coexist. For knowing he would probably be assigned to go after Sirius one day, but maybe he would be cursed by some higher power and turn good once again. No, he had to say no, he had to stop this and keep to his arts.

He was in Sirus' mouth now and gods, did it feel good. He couldn't help but thrust himself as Sirius clawed at his hips. But he tried to imagine a life with out this feeling. It was dark; it was what he felt up until they fucked in the dank closet those weeks ago. He liked this feeling but he knew that the Lord would not have this, not with a Gryffindor.

Sirius' tongue lapped up his wetness and stood to embrace Severus who unconsciously had started shaking.

"Sev…," he whispered.

"Get away.. from me..," he choked out. But..

"Why?" His voice was soft, sincere, truthful. He was confused. "Look at me. You didn't look the whole time."

"I couldn't." He pressed his head into Sirius' chest, ashamed, angry beyond belief. He gritted his teeth, pissed that he wanted to shed a tear, to weep hysterically. This was not the attitude of a death eater. How could he ever hope to accomplish anything like this? Unless…

"Severus," Sirius demanded. He pushed up his chin and held to his lover's back with his other hand, knowing he might try to get away.

He was beyond embarrassed… but… he could stay with him. Maybe… but… that would mean betrayal.

He opened his eyes and embarrassed Sirius back, burrowing his head in the crux of his neck. Just a little more, he could do this. Until the end of the year, just a little more.


	4. The Library

ok, so let's just ignore the whole LilyxSeverus thing now and his reasoning and all because if we didn't, everything would be screwed up with this fic. Not that fics are true anyways, but if he had Lily in this one, then his angst would be unfounded and blahblahblah I need a plot. So forgive me please for my weak tenses that I've noted and for the relative shortness but as you may have noted, I do not write very explictly, though I might at another time for Y!gallery... Anyway! let the angst of our lovely Severus continue!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Severus could tell he was getting impatient. The near sex yesterday only made Black more impatient than ever and the more Sirius tried to get in his pants, the more irritated with Sirius he became. Because sometimes Sirius would get halfway into a hand job when he had to stop because his Marauders appeared. Sometimes he'd get halfway through necking him when they heard footsteps down the corridors. All in all, he could tell that the damn Gryffindor was getting angry. And an angry Sirius Black was something that Severus did _not_ want to see.

They were sitting side by side in the corner of the library, huddled over a book from which Severus was trying to teach. He tried to ignore the incessant tapping at the cover and the sighs emitted every few minutes and the hair that tickled at his face as well as his half erection that told him to give up the studying.

Finally resigning without a second consideration, he shut the book, patiently placing it in his bag and glanced sideways at Sirius who now had that ridiculous sexy smirk across his face. _I love it when he looks like that._

"Ready now?" Sirius teased.

"Fine," he muttered.

Sirius smirked wider as he leaned around Severus to take him into a kiss.

_Ahh, Merlin, why does he always feel so good?_ He let him push his tongue through and grasp at his tie, pulling him even closer. He ended the kiss abruptly, eyes boring into Severus' before taking to his neck again, pulling down his collar with his free hand to lick at the Slytherin's collar bone. Severus let a small gasp escape as Sirius sucked at the sensitive pale flesh. He gripped onto the hand that held his tie, trying to pull him as close as possible before Sirius decided to straddle him properly on the floor.

He still held the bits of Severus' clothing as he never broke contact.

_Why now? I've held out… Am I so scared of him? Me?_

Severus couldn't deny that foreplay was his favorite bit, especially as Sirius tightened his grip with his legs, loosening his hands to hold the other's waist. And how he loved it in the library, like this at night after everyone's gone. The darkness was amazing here, enveloping the two of them just enough so they could see each other in close contact.

He leaned forwards to suck at his bottom lip, sliding his hands up to rip open those damn buttons.

"Severus," Sirius sighed.

_He said my name? That's new…_

"Mm?"

Black pushed him back against the books, sitting back up to slip off his shirt and slide a hand down his pants, before he descended again, breathing into Severus' mouth.

"_Fuck me_."

Severus watched as he leaned back again and unzipped himself, pulling his dick out of his pants, rubbing himself gently as he kissed him again. With his other hand, he loosened Severus' belt, then unbuttoned his shirt and unzipped him, pushing down his shorts with a finger to expose his growing erection.

He held onto the boy atop him tightly, swallowing the gasps that needed to be emitted, and slid down the books to lie properly on the floor. He tried to ignore the sight just inches from him, instead concentrating on the feel of the rough stone against his back.

Sirius begged and pleaded but their sex had never felt like _this_. It was… unnerving. He wanted to know what was going through his lover's head as he prepared himself to ride him.

The pants had slipped down with the shorts as Sirius continued to suck as his lips. His hair swayed as he kicked off his clothing and lay atop Severus, grinding their penises together.

"Sirius," he breathed. He wrapped a hand around themselves, the other playing with Sirius' hair. Sirius held onto his hand, the other pressed firmly on the floor to keep himself slightly propped as he slid forward and back, forward and back, engorging the heads as precum began to drip down Severus' bony hip.

_There's – something he's not saying._ Severus wasn't so dumb as to not realize that Sirius' movements weren't normal. He wanted to ignore it, he wanted to get over this fucking angst in their relationship and just shag and… be boyfriends. If there was something going on that Sirius wasn't telling him, that would be a poor decision on his part…

Sirius took his hand away, pulling Severus' away as well to admire the swelling flesh. He knelt up and spread himself, and then lowered his ass down on Severus, gasping as the other filled him up in one push.

Biting his own lip, Severus drew blood and closed his eyes, feeling Sirius pump himself up and down with increasing rhythm. _Holy fuck_. Ahh, he loved this, how he fucking _loved_ this feeling. And he loved Sirius.. but how he would hope at moments that Sirius would say the same. Sometimes, he felt like he almost did but then shut his lips again and turn away or give a sly smile before returning to his work…

And _shit_, he could feel himself coming… always the best moments, even better when they could do it together, which they haven't done in a while.

He thought he heard himself mutter his lover's name before delving back in his thoughts. Another kiss and a gasp made him think of the first time he was with Sirius, in that dingy storage room when he didn't have to think about anything or their consequences. When they could just fuck for the hell of it. Over and over. But _shit…_ Now that love was involved? What kind of mess did he get himself into?

Sirius' moisture rippled down his stomach to the stones, seeping into the crevices and he collapsed, gripping Severus tightly. Just a moment later, he hissed in his ear, "You're distracted."

_What the _hell_ was going on with him?_ His impulses continued for another moment… but…

"Finish me," he demanded.

Sirius bit his lip before scooting down to engulf his flesh.

Craning his head back as far as possible so as to not watch, he tried concentrating on just the feelings and the scent and the sound to push those pesky thoughts and doubts from his mind. He had never felt so much as once before for a single person, and while he wanted this love to be as simple as possible, he knew it was _impossible_ and wasn't right for him.

His orgasm was weak.. and Sirius noted it. Severus saw it again, that anger, the impatience. It was too soon!

_Please_…


	5. The Bedroom

After a month of doing nothing, I practically wrote this in a day. So uh, yey more angst. I love angst. Angst angst angst. I've been feeling angsty. So my characters are gonna be angsty to release me of my angst. Oh college... how I adore thee. Enjoy!!

--------------------------------------------------------

That night Severus curled up in bed, gripping his sheets tightly until his knuckles turned white. He kept thinking, wondering what was going on with him. What happened so suddenly in the library? Was it psychological? He was perfectly capable of having a shaking orgasm when he had sex with Sirius. But something had stopped that time. And Sirius had noted it. After they finished, Sirius had dressed without a word and strode off without another look, leaving Severus on the stones, confused. He had called his name to come back, but he didn't hear. He had kept walking.

He was worried, that's what it was. He was scared for the coming months. How long would this last until Sirius found out what he was going to do? And would the man stay with him?

His heart throbbed and he felt cold. He tossed to the other side in frustration before jolting upright.

There was a knock at his door.

"I don't want to see you right now, Black," he muttered to himself. "Please… go away."

The knocking continued, once, twice, three times. Then silence. He waited for another knock but it didn't come.

He shuffled out of bed, tossing his sheets aside, and opened the door tentatively.

"Hey."

"Black."

He was sitting against the wall outside his room.

"You're an asshole, Sirius. Get in before anyone hears you."

He nodded compliantly, unwinding his arms from his legs, and stood. He ran a hand through his hair, the other he stuffed in his back pocket and followed Severus in to his room.

Severus shut the door and strode around to stand before his bed and face Sirius. He was conscious that he stood before his lover in only his boxers and his hair was messy and his cheeks were red. His eyes were still slightly swollen and he would punch Sirius if the boy said anything about it.

"What do you want?"

"Just, uh, I wanted to apologize, but-"

"Shut up, Sirius. You're pissed. Don't hide it. I know you are."

Black crossed his arms, shifting his weight to one leg, running in tongue inside his mouth, thinking.

"What's going on, Snape? Something you're not telling me? What're you hiding? I'll figure it out somehow."

He shook his head. _I can't tell you yet. I don't want this to end so soon_. "I don't know-"

"Fuck that, Snivellus! What aren't you telling me?" He lunged forward to grip his forearm, tugging him close.

It hurt. But he couldn't cringe, he couldn't gasp. He couldn't lie to Sirius. He didn't have it in him anymore.

"What are you up to, Severus? What's happening?"

His eyes were wide, reflecting the flickering dying candlelight from the nightstand beside the bed. Severus saw the pain deep down; he heard it in his voice; he felt it in his hold on his arm. He was scared, too. Sirius was scared.

What was he supposed to say? If he kept silent, Sirius would do something to him. If he told the truth, it would be the end.

"Don't let me go, Sirius. Please. I love you."

"What's that supposed to mean? Why couldn't you come like usual? You really love me? Why wasn't it as good?"

"I don't know-"

"You don't know?" he shook him and gripped his other arm, digging his nails in deep.

"Sirius….Don't leave me.…" He was begging now; he had stooped that low. He couldn't look in his eyes anymore. He tried shifting his gaze away but Sirius would catch it again with a movement of his head.

"What you saying? What did you do?"

"Nothing yet…. I'm still thinking about it….But if I do, you're going to leave me."

"I wouldn't," he assured. "I wouldn't." He wasn't playing anymore. That was over now. "I promise."

"You can't say that. You don't mean it."

A hand pressed to his cheek and he tilted his head back to look at Sirius' face. But he still couldn't match his gaze without his hands shaking. Then lips met his own, soft and warm. He shifted away again.

"Think of the worst thing I could do, Sirius," he whispered, pulling back.

Sirius' arms went slack and stood, waiting. Severus looked at him then, collected, calmer, but nervous like shit.

"What could I do to this school? To the people. Think of the house that I'm in and who was once a member. What if I wanted to join?"

Sirius' eyes widened with realization and he shifted to his other leg. He sighed, shaking his head.

"You don't mean that."

"I've thought… of a way to keep you even if I did join him and swear loyalty. But I would be promising myself death in the future."

Sirius snapped forward again, grasping Severus' arms. "No. You can't. Don't be another one of those fucking Slytherins I have to despise. I don't want to go back to hating you. Don't do this! And if you were to betray him for me, that would be even more asinine. You'd be killing us both!"

"I didn't want to tell you yet."

"Then you'd just be lying to get a good fuck until you left me without an explanation?"

"That's not true, Sirius!"

"Then what were you really planning, if not that? You'd join up, against everything I believe because of your twisted desire to follow a man who kills the innocent, and then repent and expect me to forgive you because you've had a change of heart? You'd never be able to get away once you join; he'd kill you. Then he would figure out why you left and kill me! He's have no problem killing a Gryffindor! It's bad enough I had to fall in love with a fucking Slytherin in the first place! I'm not about to die for you!"

"Sirius-," he tried to pull away, but Sirius only held tighter, pulling him close until their noses nearly met.

"How long were you planning this?" he hissed.

"Ever since I knew about him."

"And Lily hasn't been able to stop you."

"I told her."

"And she left you. She ended your friendship. Do you expect me to not do the same?"

"You promised…. You just promised me. We knew in the beginning what this relationship was."

"Yeah, it was for me to have someone new to fuck!" Sirius in took his breath sharply, sighing, and hung his head momentarily before looking back up at Severus.

"I'm sorry. But, what do you expect me to do now? If – when – you join, what do you expect me to do? Why would you it if you knew my reaction?"

"I-thought you might ignore that." _Because you just said you loved me. But... that's not good enough. You don't want pain_. "So just leave me then, if you can't stand it. I have my reasons to join. But I don't need to explain them to you."

"You don't need to _explain them to me_? What shit is that?" He flexed his fingers on Severus' arms. "You want me to stay with you, no questions asked. If I'm going to stay with a man who betrays everyone he knows, he needs to at least tell me why he's going to do it! Then I might have a little more sympathy for you."

"No."

He dropped his arms.

"No?"

"No, Sirius. Please," he was getting sick of this already. But if Sirius Black could love his friends, why couldn't he love him unconditionally? He wasn't good enough, that was why.

"Stop saying 'please', Snivellus," he hissed, running his hands through his hair. He sighed again and shook his head.

The candle was burning out quickly and Sirius' patience was evaporating as well.

"Fine."

Severus widened his eyes slightly at the curt addition. Sirius suddenly and viciously grasped his forearms, kissing him deeply. He pulled at Severus' lips, gasping as he clawed at his arms, pushing him backwards towards the bed. He slammed Severus against the bedpost, biting his lower lip, and pulled slightly.

_What was going on?_

He couldn't move his arms; they were pinned to his sides. Teeth scraped down his neck, biting harshly at a pulsing vein. Sirius lapped up the trickling blood, and then eyed Severus with a deep burning hatred.

"No, Severus. This is it. This is the end."

"Sirius… please."

"Didn't I tell you to stop saying that?!" He punched the boy in the stomach. The impact sent Severus onto his bed, doubled over momentarily until Sirius crawled atop, pinning his limbs so he couldn't budge.

"I know you hate my friends. I know you hated me. But this is more than a betrayal, Snivellus. You're joining a group that I could never support. And I could never support someone who was in it, no matter how much I loved him."

He felt something wet splatter onto his cheek.

"You're an asshole, Severus. If you won't give me an explanation, I can't continue this. So why did you start in the first place, huh? Tell me!!" He shook the body of the body beneath him with a pounding against the bed.

He couldn't tell Sirius about his parents, about why he wanted to become a death eater, about what he was really planning. It was all too important, too much, too secret. Even if he loved Sirius with his whole saddened heart, he could never tell him.

"I didn't want to hold back anymore. I wanted to love you."

"Why me??" he screamed again.

Severus uttered the Silencio spell under his breath so their screams wouldn't be heard by the other rooms. He didn't want anyone to know.

"Why! Me! Severus!" each word punctuated with a tighter grip to his arms and the pounding of his hands into the bed.

"Because I saw something about you. I let you have me and I liked it. So who made the first move?"

He could just barely hear the rough thumping of the heart of the man above him. He saw the pain and the anguish and the confusion in his eyes. They were wondering the same thing, Why? It was too late now to figure it all out. He thought they were in love. The sex was always amazing, the times were peaceful. And then he began to feel guilty.

"I couldn't keep this to myself anymore, Sirius…. I had to tell you. I love you…. you should know and make the choice."

"I'm trying!" He collapsed into his body, enveloping him whole.

Why was he holding him now? He was scared he was about to be raped, to be abused and left for good. But the boy wasn't gone yet. Instead he was holding onto him for dear life; he couldn't let go. Sirius couldn't leave him just yet.

And why?

"Fuck you, Snivellus. I love you…. Fuck you."


	6. The Finish

It's been over a year loves, and here it is. The last chapter of Silencio. Took me long enough. (By the way, I finished it at 3.25 in the morning. Forgive me if you find error or something you are not satisfied with.) But please enjoy and remember to comment.

--

Severus woke to soft breathing beside him hours later. They hadn't spoken any more after their fight in hopes that both would sleep it off. He knew that wouldn't happen. Sirius would wake up soon and roll over and his eyes would clear and widen and he'd burst from the bed before shooting him in the heart…

He was frightened. He was confused and could only wait until Sirius drifted into wakefulness and tell him what they should do.

He doomed them both. He was right, everything that Sirius said was right. If Severus betrayed his master, he would find out why and come after his lover. He should just leave, right now. Severus should just leave Hogwarts and run away some place to save them both.

The boy rustled under the sheets, accidentally kicking Severus' shin. He sighed in his half-sleep, muttering something to himself, before tossing onto his stomach and opened his eyes to the other.

Severus tried a weak smile, he even thought of greeting him Good Morning although it was really only three am. Sirius' hair covered his left eye lightly. It reminded Severus of a willow tree's sad branches, how they covered whatever or whoever was hidden beneath, away from the world. Sirius was hiding; he tightened his fingers on the black sheets beneath his chin, his lips were tight, eyes half open.

Severus shifted to place a hand gently towards his face to push back the strands and uncover the boy beneath. Shockingly, Sirius didn't move. But… he didn't move.

He tried more. Placing a finger on his forehead, he traced the pale skin along his jaw line to his lips. Sirius' deep black eyes shone with a deep hatred. His jaw tightened as Severus caressed him lightly.

Severus took a breath as he placed his hand on the other's shoulder. Sirius snapped to his side, away from Severus.

He swallowed.

"Sirius," he whispered meekly.

"What."

He couldn't think of what to say anymore. Everything was exchanged now.

They were in love. And Severus was going to betray everyone. He needed Sirius to believe that bit. To make it better in the end. So he would know, so he could realize for himself what kind of a man Severus really was.

In another snap and rustle of sheets, Sirius turned over, releasing a heavy sigh, and gazed at Severus. His features had softened and he managed to realize an arm from over the covers to touch Severus' lip.

"Don't tell me anything else," he said, eyes narrowing. "Don't tell me a bloody thing more about your plans. I'll let you do what you want to do as long as you _never_ hurt me or James or Remus or Peter, you understand? I know you're friends with those others, but I've ignored that this whole time… Avery, Mulciber." He scoffed. "You and James… it's put me in the middle. I hate lying to them, Severus, especially James….  
He trailed off. Severus could sense there was something else he wanted to say.

"Sirius," he muttered, removing the finger from his lip and gripping the hand in his own.

Black's features grew ever softer as they lay looking at each other. Finally, Sirius confided something: "I'm scared."

Severus immediately took the boy in a tight embrace. There was no use apologizing for all this because Sirius wouldn't have any of it. But he knew. He knew Severus was sorry for being so pitiful, for needing another love in his life, for hating his lover's best friend, for associating with Muggle-haters. But it's who he was. He couldn't change. Not now. He wouldn't change, not even for Sirius. They both knew they might end up hurting each other again one day but until then, they would love each other, up until the moment one or the other died.

And if there was a way to still be with Sirius while he was a death eater, then he would. Oh gods, he would stay with this boy for a thousand years if circumstances were different, if he were different.

But their roles at school had been defined and stabilized years ago. Their friends and enemies back then were their friends and enemies now.. with a few alterations.

"Come home with me, Severus. Just a couple days," Sirius said, pushing out of the embrace. "The other's… they…oh fucking Merlin, Severus," he flopped onto his back. "What a bloody mess."

"What is it?"

He sighed.

"Something I can't tell you."

"Sirius… the… the Order of the Phoenix? You all are…." Ah. The Marauders would join the anti-Death Eater Voldy group….to search and destroy him.

"FUCK!" Sirius screamed. He lurched himself of the bed, throwing himself against a wall, banging his fists against the stone. Slapping his back against the wall, he slid down, and cradled his head with his hands between his knees.

Severus knelt up, trying to make out the murmurs that were emanating through the darkness of his bedroom. He slid out as quickly as possible, padding over to the boy. He knelt down a foot away in front and just studied him.

Sirius was trembling. Severus realized he was sobbing, trying impossibly to stifle it. He rocked against the wall, hitting himself back as hard as possible in an effort to focus more on the self-inflicting pain than that internally.

Finally, the other reached out tentatively, and despite being screamed at to go away, his arms struck from him, he managed to move closer and lay a death grip on the wet cheeks and kiss him firmly, sucking out all his air and love and pain. He managed to pin Sirius' arms to his sides as he crawled atop the boy. Sirius eyes were wide in redness and tears.

Neither of them needed to speak to know what was going to happen. Snape vs. _them_.

Oh gods, he needed a way out of this. If Merlin and whoever was out there could just _do_ something for him, to give him a way out of his fate, to get him away from Voldemort and the Death Eaters. He needed a way to get back to Hogwarts, to get back to Sirius, to get back to loving him after he departed. If the fates could find some way….

Severus begged to Merlin and the Fates over and over and over again, incessantly in his mind, as he kissed Sirius. As he nestled himself tight against the boy, to get him to stop cursing him, he became calmer. He subdued the raging one gradually who agreed to a passionate, hungry, bruising kiss.

Sirius whispered _Please_ more than once as they slid to the cold floor, kicking off the remainder of their nightwear, and impaled each other over and over again until they were both numb to the core and exhausted to the point of death.

They did not sleep the remainder of the night and lay chilled against each other until the sun rose and warmed them slightly. Sirius sat up first to look down at the other. Neither smiled nor said any words to the other as they dressed, kissing again so passionately it would made Venus jealous.

They swore silently to each other that there would be no mention of their proposed activities until the day came to leave for them.

As Sirius left his room, Severus went after him, taking his hand, and both walked the grounds until classes.

--

By the end of the year, Severus had his plans; they weren't complete, by far. They did not involve Sirius or betraying the Dark Lord. He was to go home with Sirius until the others came to form Dumbledore's Order. Then he would disappear by day and return at night, like a vampire from legend. He would be with his lover until he was summoned. And they would destroy each other in that last night; two dark figures in the shadows, suffocating each other in heat, and each would forgive the other and go on his way.

And when the day came that they would meet again, they would be together, and renounce everything. They would love each other freely someplace where no one could find them. They would stay there, just like that, unless Fate had something else in store. And if she did, they would take her head-on and meet again in death.


End file.
